The SS United States – a 990-foot-long rotting pile of rust sitting in the Delaware River and moored just a few hundred yards from John’s Roast Pork – was (and still is) the largest ocean liner in US history, and the fastest ocean liner ever built anywhere.

Inspired by Britain’s Queen Mary and Queen Elizabeth and completed in 1952, the SS United States was a state-of-the-art, 12-deck, fireproof luxury liner capable of transporting its 1,972 passengers and 1,011 crewmembers across the Atlantic Ocean in less than three and a half days. It even had its own theme song! But in addition to luxury cruises, the SS United States – which was funded in part by the US Government – served a military purpose. It could, if necessary, be converted in one day to a 14,000-troop transport ship.

Despite a near-flawless 17-year performance on the high seas, the SS United States and its fellow trans-Atlantic superliners were done in with the advent of trans-Atlantic jumbo jets that made the 3-day Atlantic Ocean crossing a laughable relic from the past. The SS United States sailed for the last time in 1969.

After two failed attempts to restore the ocean liner to its former glory, the SS United States was towed to South Philly in 1996 and remains there to this day, fitting in perfectly with the semi-wasteland that is Columbus Boulevard (Delaware Avenue). Two separate non-profit organizations, the SS United States Foundation and the SS United States Conservancy, are actively raising money to revitalize the SS United States, and have managed to get it onto the National Register of Historic Places.

BIG CHEESE: “The National Register of Historic Places? A 53,000-ton rotting pile of rust and peeling paint which, if it could stand vertically, would be taller than any building in Philadelphia? Now that’s the kind of Historic Place onlys a cheesesteak-eating Whiz Kid could love.”

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